The Beast

There's a moon over Bourbon Street tonight
I see faces as they pass beneath the pale lamplight
I've no choice but to follow that call
The bright lights, the people, and the moon and all

Deep inside I do believe into happy ends. I really do. Without the happy endings would be life just miserable. Yeah, it is so miserable, cold and empty. And dark. Where did I took my sunshine? I just don't understand... Or where did I lose it? ... Empty. So empty. I haven't felt already long time that kind of emptiness inside me. Even no pain. Fear? Nekah, even the fear is outside of me. I may discern the flicker of fear near of me. It's breathing on my back. But inside of me is just empty. So empty that I have even no words ;)

I pray everyday to be strong
For I know what I do must be wrong
Oh you'll never see my shade or hear the sound of my feet
While there's a moon over Bourbon Street

I need warmness. Just a bit... Is it so much to ask? Not much to ask... just too much to get it. But I am laughing. Hard to understand why. Maybe because I don't know what else to do... or do I try to hide something? And what about God... I am watching at Him and still losing connection... Do I care about that at all... I am standing outside in cold darkness. Everywhere around me are lighted windows where I may see lives of others. Like theatre of shadows... Life! Everwhere. I would like to suck it all inside me... But I am feeded with rats just. To keep me alive... Perhaps I should wait sunrise? Perhaps....

The brim of my hat hides the eye of a beast
I've the face of a sinner but the hands of a priest

To struggle with my instinct in the pale moonlight
How could I be this way when I pray to god above
I must love what I destroy and destroy the thing I love

On this Satturday died a girl here, in the clinic I do work. She was 16. I had seen her here before. Couple last times she had woolen balaclava on... to warm her hairless head. She turned away at home. Went bananas... Started yelling... Probably from pain. Her parents brought her here and a nurse injected morphium to her. She calmed down. Just a bit later she died. Just like that. 16 years of life what ended in such a pain...