Big Fail

You and I Both – Jason Mraz Music Code

I am in clinic. At practice by college.

That means I had to prepear for the worse... I can't sleep!

***

I bought mp3 player and did download lots of music on it.

I bought also some apples and new lemonade (Alles klaar? - Ja-ja..) "Valge Klaar". Im the victim if the TV adds... I know, I know.

***

Took some blood, set up some TOCOs, did measure some blood pressures, and made an Penicillin's injection before I got some time to play with my new toy... Seemed just couple buttons but ohh... recorder, music, settings... hmm.. ooh music settings, rec settings, common settings, initializing, format, ... oh no! oh crap! cantbetruedangbackbackfakkstupidmoronnoooooooooowaaaaaay!

***

Great.. whole long night and no music even.... do I really have to start studing? :o

In Intensivroom

Boring.

Boring. Boring. Boring.

Boring.

Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring.

BOOOOORING!

At least half of day has been really nothing to do. I have been twice in blood center to get ordered blood. And it is a job of carers not for nurses or midwives. I did it only because I did know where it is and because it was so boring there. Since there was nothing to do in the intensive room, I did ask can I be in the main gyn. depratment then. I got premission. Being in the departmetn... what can I say... It was...

BOOOOORING!

I had possibility to stand next to nurse when she took out a drainage tube from a patient stomach. She had laparosocopy. Then I had possibility all alone take out the catheter. Then I did stole 2 apples from personal room (there was really big basketful apples on the table). And then I moved to intensive room because finally they did bring an old lady back from operation. Between all of those things I did was lots of time I sat just like that on a chair and was watching into the nurses every move to guess what she wants to do for next and then ask can I do that. And its already 12:37 PM.

Home!!!

Finally I am home! It is half past 8 pm and I am in pidjama. I think I am going to the bed any minute. I got headache about at 5 and it is still hiding itself between my ears. Probably from luck of sleep and unpropper eating. I had english course today. Bob is actuall 63. Has been pastor 30 years already. And he is... well, pastor. I like him. But to study from 8 am to 7 pm every day... It just has to bring up headache :) I will get early night today and try to get food sleep for tomorrow. Days are going so quick again. I don't want the english course ever ends... but sadly there will be last course in friday... I am tired. But so alright.

MY FIRST BABY BORN TODAY!

In fornt of class. The lector explained biomechanisms of birth and I had to be as a power of birth (it means that I had to press the baby doll trough mama doll's vagian... and it WAS HARD!). After the lector was showing to us how the baby borns couple times she asked me to show it as well and after that she was the power of birth and me as "midwife". So I got my first baby today!!! Class laughed of course when I rised my firstborned baby up and told "And the baby has born!" Good good good! It just means I can get a job as clow as well if I should fail as a midwife ;o)

Luckily God is with me.

I wrote my essay of enterdance a week ago. It was total disaster. I was so sure it is easy enough for me. For me who got 95 points form 100 my final essay couple years ago. 10 thems – there should still be something to pick, I thought. There were 12 themes and none to take. Good that lector said that we can write on our own theme as well. It gave me chanche to write something and if it could not fit under any of topics there then I could think out my own. But still.. my head was so empty that I heard how my thoughts had echo. I was sitting and thinking and nothing came on my mind. I had no good start for my essay. I didn’t had even any idea what to write about. I did wrote A4 sheet of nonsens and cross it all off again. And then I just decided to put down what I feel. So I wrote how I want to stand on the edge of the world and scream out my pain. About the hole in me and how to fill it up. I even cried when I wrote about it =) Sweet. I regeret it later what I did write. Because they told they use it during conversation with me.

There wre 3 men and a woman in the room. I knew 2 of them. Senior and Junior Hamers. Both of them are very respected vicars of Lutherian Church. The 3rd old man was unknown for me like the woman. Junior was asking from me why did I dicided to come in this college and where did I got information about it. Then he asked about my job. And then he asked from others, do they have questions. They were just sitting and watching eachother and had no questions. I had to call back half past 3 PM to get to know am I in or not.

My elder brother was at me. I was all excited and forgot to call at the time they asked and called an half hour later. But it was alright. They were still there and told me I am in. Yeah, I am in.

First day back in college

„Is it raining?“
„Yes, it is.“
„Just great!!“

I do run out from the building of college and hurry to my bicycle while I stick my hand out from under the roof to feel is it still raining. Yes it is. And I drop my jacket at home on the porning when I came form work because it seemed really warm morning. I had just a shirt without sleeves. I have to hurry. And not only because of rain but because I need to pee as well. There are puddles everywhere. It sucks. I try to keep away from them. But it is more than obvious my jeans will be dirty. Out from the college yard straight on the street. Is it smart to bike on the street where cars don’t care about you when they drive trough puddles? Right. Straight on the pedestrian’s walking road. The rain is cold. No Pedestrian. I crank so quickly that I feel how my calfs are cramping. Traffic lights. Finally green. I cross the road and hurry along allee. Juhhuuu! Next traffic light is green! It has started rain more heavilly. I cant see clearly trough my glasses any more. Water is running down from my shoulder and my underwear is wet. No more to hold back myself anymore. I get up from seat and crank like nuts. Down from the little plump straight trough the deepest part of the puddle and over crossroad before the green light starts blinking. Juhhuu! Dear Lord, don’t ever take rain from us!! Let there always be puddles and rainbow and wet clothes to feel I am so alive. I maneuver around some ppl on the my way. They are not happy when I past from them with spraying them with water. Ah, take it easy! I am going home! Home... Today I have to be productive! Like yesterday? All windows were prepeard on for me going to be useful on PC but what did I do? Played battle in facebook and laughed like nuts. Maybe I am... No facebook today! Or... well, I have to pick up gold in my fairy garden that I would have money to water my wilted plants... But that’s all! Yes! Today I am productive! Finally down from Riia hill. I love that declicity here. Down! Down! Down! My hair are all wet and don’t flutter all. Because it is raining!! Rainin? Damn! My breaks!!! I need to get my speed down before I kill myself. Or even worse, someone else. Oh no, people are crossing the road... I can do that, I can do that, I can do that! I crank to get speed up again and hope that the light is.... IT IS GREEN! Now! Oh no those men are too close and seems they don’t see me... Scheisse! I take quick turn to the right and fly over street’s curbstone. Outch! My bum! No, you can’t see my pain because I know how to smile when it hurts!! All my life is just a big smile even when the pain is ripping little pieces from me. And there it is! Home, sweet home! And I am so wet...

tudish-piip!

I had just quick shower. I even didn't wet my hair. Although I had haircut is there still enough that drying would take couple hours. But I did fresh my body. It is over half past 10 PM already. Soon it will be 11 PM. I feel tired. I am at work. I put on my purple pidjma. It has been quite chilly today so I did wear already during the day a blue clinic's pidjama blouse. It is flannel and kjept me warm. I was working intensively from 9 AM till 5 PM. I just wanted to get ready quicker because I just had lots of study. I did stop writing about half hour ago. I didn't finish but still... I did start. And it is the same important than finishing. I am going to bed to read now. I need to read through 4 close study from last couple year. So much is to do...