A Scream

I feel so alone. I am in a maelstorm of life and it all drags me with. But when I am in that whirl I still stand outside of it and watch it all like I wouldn’t belong there. I just watch how my physical body struggles there busy with not drawning and I even don’t care. I just turn away and fly over the city, over the forests and fields till I stand on the rock what reaches over the ocean. I stand there when wind is ripping my clothes and hair. The sky is so blue and a lonely seagul is laughing up there. I just stand there with the pain in my soul what screams out from me. I just rise my hands up on sides of me and scream. I am all alone there on the top of rock.
Begind me is green field and in front of me is churning water.

Yeah, that’s how I do feel. Psychologists could read out some mental dissorder from me if they could see inside me. But they can not... Who can at all? I don’t know how to show out that I am broken. That I am alone and lost. People around me rather ask how I do that that I never be down, that I always laugh and joke, that I am always so ... alive. And they even don’t know that it all is just a maquerade. Not always of course. But there are times I am so down that no sunshine reaches to me. I am so fake. I am so damned fake that I am not worh of any love. Why do I bother at all then... Why do I cheat people that I am an shiny princess if I am just the uggliest frog...