Harassing time

It is just amazing how the time flies. I did wait so much summer. I did hope I have lots of time then to rest and do things what I needed to do but what were not priority for me then. Sometimes I think that time is going too quick only because I have so much to do. I feel I am tired. Also I feel that the time passes too quick and I am able to do so little and all what I do is just for others and nothing for myself and that I have NO time FOR MYSELF! I just would like to lie down, rise my legs on the wall and do nothing. To do so long time nothing that I feel the time is standing and I am bored. I just wonder will there come time like that in my life again?

I have even no time for my blog. Like everything what I think or feel or do have find their end...

I had today my secon blood test. And the day after tomorrow I will hear about what is going on with my future. Do I afraid? Sure. I do afraid of good and bad news on the day. Bad news may tell me my life will be too short to do all the things I want and I should start thinking what I priority to do. Good news... that I may do everything and probably there will be time my own so I just will drain myself out.

3 weeks ago about I had mission board meeting where we dicided to start with program what brings our church member closer to eachother. The first event was this Sabbath. I had to organize the place and food and some entertainment as well since Toomas was camping and probably forgot he had to organize games. But it is alright since he has needed resting time as well. He has good boy who has too many duties. Thanks for God he is here and does that all. But the event went well anyway. The members of our churce (and others who took part of ceremony) were asked to take part form collective lunch and spending time together. The most of people took cakes and sandwitches with and tables were rich. Also the communicating with eachother were good. Of course there were people who were just sitting quietly but there always will be ppl like that. I just know that my feet were hurting and I was walking around on socks. High heel shoes are not good for organizing event like that. But it all went very well!!! I even was talking to all of them although I have actually chicken heart. I told a story what I read and what made me to cry because of the vision of mission and cristianity. Even when I was telling the story and explaining it later made my ching to shake ;) When I finished was total silence in room. 40 ppl about and all were quiet. It was uncomfortable. But they were just thoughful and it was my aim to make them to think. I post the story as well..

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The old man awoke and glanced at the clock. Shock registered on his aging face as he realized that he had slept too long. the tide would be coming in and his three youngest children were still put collecting shells on the island. He leaped through the door and ran toward the beach, stumbling over the jagged, cutting rocks.

"My children, my children!" he shouted. "Someone help my children!" He could see the little island and the rising water between it and the shore. He could faintly make out the outlineof the three small bodies against the rugged rocks. "My children will drown. Oh, God, my babies will die. Someone help me!" The water was rising. Only a matter of time. Higher and higher.

A short distance down the beach he saw a group of picnickers. They would help. His legs nearly buckled as he ran. Nearing the group, he saw his older sons.

"Sit down, Father, and join our potluck. Here's a chair. We were just wishing that you could be here with us. We wanted to tell you how much we love you."

"You'd better rest a minut, Father. You shouldn't run like that in your age. What's the trouble?"

"The island - the little ones are out there. They're going to die!" Great sobs tore through his body.

"Now, Father, calm down! I'm sure it isn't that bad. Look, the rocks are above water." John clumsily patted the old grey hair, then lifted his father's face to his. "Take it easy. We're here with you, and we love you so much."

"But you don't understand. The tide is rising. Oh, my babies! Please, oh, please, help me!"

"There's no rush, Father. Don't let yourself get so worked up. It is not good for your heart. We'd die if anything happened to you. Say, look. There are Joe and Dave and their new lifesaving boat. They're more able to help than we are."

The weary father turned away and shouted into the wind. Joe and Dave, other sons of his, heard and came into to shore.

"Save the children! The island will be covered soon!"

They seemed to understand and strong hands pulled the weeping man into the boat. Then the eager motor sprang to life and they headed out to sea. In the distance he could see three tiny figures clutching the highest rocks as the waves washed about their feet.

"Hurry, please hurry," he cried.

"Yes, Father, we understand. This is a lifesaving boat and it's really grand. We brought it over today just to show it to you. Look - padded seats, air-conditioned cabin, stereo music - the works. this'll be good PR, Father. When people see this, they'll know it's great to be a son of yours." Dave laid his well-muscled arm around the shaking shoulders.

Joe looked over from behind the controls and tried to ease his father's distress. "Cheer up, Father. Say, look at what this beauty can do." He grinned, gave the throttle a thrust, and spun the wheel. The boat turned in a graceful arc and headed into the waves.

"You'te going the wrong way. the tide is coming. Save my children!"

"Yes, Father, we understand. Didn't we tell you? This is a lifesaving boat. We'll go in a minute. But first look at this."

The boat bounded back and forth across the waves, its powerful motor thrusting forward with thrilling power and speed. Joe executed the turns with smoothness and precision.

"No, no! Please, oh, please!" The father's anguished voice tore through the wind.

"Look at this, Father."

He could barely see the little ones now. In horror, he imagined their terror and pain. Only the tips of the rocks broke the water now. As he watches, unable to turn away, the dear, sweet heads, one by one, slipped into the waves and disappeared.

"They are gone!" Unbearable anguish ripped his body and he fell prostrate to the floor.

Then - concerned and tender hands gently cradled his frail body. "Father, we loved you - please, Father..."

He gave no answer or indeed any sign that he had heard.

"Father, we didn't know you cared so much. We love you, Father, don't you understand? If it had been you..."

There was no response. Just wind and waves and - silence.

I got home at 7:15 AM.

Me: I am going to ride with bicycle.
My son: I see...
Me: Do you want to come with?
My Son: I can't. I need to do the bed. He sounds grumpy.
Me: It's alright. I'll wait. I went into the kichen to prepear a cup of coffee.
My mom: Where are you going??
Me: To ride with bicycles.
My mom: Oh, it is too eraly! He just opened his eyes! You can't take him out like that.
Me: I was asking does he wants to come. He told he wants. The end.
My mom: Let him woke up first! You can't go and start doing something so hard so early on the mornig!
Me: Watch us.

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It is just amazing how the things go. Yesterday I went at work with short shirt and it was cold althought sun was shining. Later I went at shop and decided to get a sweater from home. As thought so I did. When I drove back from shop in my woolen sweater I was mad because sun just decided to melt me up in it! Today I was getting home in my sweater and it seemed sooooooo hot so I decided to get my clothes changed and put on a shirt with opened back. And when I was on bicycle and on the streets already I realized that the weather is making fun with me. It was sooooo freezingly cold! I was thinking that it is good I have no willy because in other way it would be just an inch and even that would be inside me... But I don't have it. But I have nipples... Oh dear! My only thought was that I have to ride just quickly enough to get my skin warm!

We have our own rout already. There are some spots where I stop and wait my son to catch me. But till those spots I can ride as fast I can. I like when my hair will take wind under them. It gives the feeling what bird may have when they feel wind under their wings. I stopped in first spot. It was near of a forest. I felt mushrooms smell. I gasped it into my lungs. Oh dear! It was so good! I got down from the bicycle and left it on the side of road when I walked into the forest. The ground was wet from dew. I couldn't see any mushrooms but there were rasberry bushes and under them was some wild strawberries. I did pick some barely red berries. The grass was trodded down. Someone was here before me... ;)

I saw Jakob coming far behind me so I went back to my bicycle and called to him to drive straight and turned down from the street to right. It was quiet area because it was new. Just couple houses and lots of land for new families to buy it and build up their own houses. When I got up on the main street was Jakob waiting me there. I got upset. "I told you to ride on!" Pffttt! Now I have to wait for him again in next place so long time! I passed from him and cranked on while I was standing. I managed to get on 40 km/h! I felt how the wind in my hair blowed away being upset. So what, if I get enough money I will buy a new bicycle for myself and he can have mine current one. His is too heavy for riding.

I did stop in next spot to wait for him. He came finally. I told to him to changes bicycles and he was gladly agree. Oh dear! My kneew poked my chin on his bicycle! :P I drove a bit on but it made wierd noice.
- Jakob, check what the back tyre is doing. I think it is empty.
- Well, it is a bit yeah.
I did stop the bicycle and watched the tyre.
- Nope, I can't ride with it. I am too heavy for the tyre. It will break.
He wasn't happy to swop the bicycles again. I told him that we are going to gas station and will fill it with air. We rode on.

There street went down and after the curv came long straight part. I could see the sky between the houses. Oh dear, how beautiful clouds were on the blue backround! The smell of air was so fresh. The wind in my hair gave me feeling I can fly. Yeah, any minute now I will just strenght my hands up on my sides and fly straight into the sky and press my face into the soft clouds! Oh dear Jeesus, where are you?! Come and rise me up there that I could touch the clouds!

I can do that! I really can do that! I felt joy in my soul and willing to go home and get ready for God works. No empty doings today! I am able to go on again because I know God is with me. Even I turn away from right road sometimes, He will lead me back again and fills me up with good feelings. It has been just wonderful morning today!

We are driving back at home and I see the next spot I should wait him. I watch back and on the long stright road I just can't see him. I hear how Bonnie Tyler starts singing there... "Turn around... Every now and then I think you'll never be the boy I wanted you to be.... Turn around.... But every now and then I see you'll always be the only boy who will be mine the way what you are..." and the sound in my head I turn around to find where he is... There he is ;o)

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I got home and made some sit-ups. Oh, I should do that more often! I should do that every day! I will! Today is just good time to start with it. I did lift my leg behind on my desk and made some chrouches with one leg and then with other one. Good, good. Just what my butt needs. After all of that I leaned back on the table with my hands and made some push-ups as well. Huh! Just a shower to take and I will feel as new person!

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There sings Right Said Fred on my laptop and I will yell to sing with him. "....I'm a model, you know what I meeean.. And I do my little turn on the catwalk.. Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah! I shake my little touche on the catwalk..." I am creaming my body while I am dancing by the music and sing with. I shake it so all my flabs shake like Homer's belly and moan: "... I'm too sexy for my cat, too sexy for my cat.. Poor pussy, poor pussy cat... I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love... Love's going to leave me...." Hmm.. I am big girl. But it is alright. I love myself as I am and God doesn't give a shit how do I look like. But I am just... so sexy for the world! ;)

Do Not Annoy the Unmedicated Person

I am not irritated. I am NOT irritated! I AM *peep* NOT IRRITATED!

Yeah, I am not. Just little bit off. Isn't it so easy to give up for temptations? You want something so much that you just are going to get it. Without thinking is it good for you or not and far away from thinking is it good for everyone else. It is so easy to give up. And after you have done it is much harder to get back out from the hole you have jumped with your free will.

Strive to enter in at the strait gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able. Luke 13:24

I want so much have clean conscience what to show to God. Stand there and feel I have let Him to do everything for cleaning me up. I am so dirty. And since there is still excisting little bit of my own wish to be dirty so long is He unable to get rid off it. So am I doomed? Or it is the bad thing with temptations? You wouldn't be temptated if you would have no desire by the sin. Yeah... But you know what? "Sun will shine alwys" and I will just stand there in middle of sunshine, rise my hands up and suck all the warmness inside me till I exude it back to the world. It is just me - Frog Princess the Sunray!!! And there is anything I can't do because I do know the little truth - God loves me and He sees my fights. He will be allways with me and leads me. He lifts me up even when I do jump myself into the hole...

Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it. Mat. 7:14

Right attitude

I was reading a newspaper today. Like always from back to front - horoscope, comics and death announcments... And there it was - black box with announcment that a patient of ours was died. A young man. I remember him. He was tall and always shiny. His head was also shiny like and well polished egg shell. A patient with right attitude. ...and now he is dead.