About Margo

He is a guy I call as my friend. I don't know why but I really keep dear him. He is and gentle man under his hard and cold core what says that "life is a flower" without believing it.

LOL... I am going to marry :)

That was a joke of course. But still... if I would say "I will" then I would be married in a months already. Just a funny how easy is life for black men. I love you and will marry you just now. Will love you rest of my life and will make you happy.

Will make me happy? ;) Who said I am not happy already now? Or who says that happiness is my aim of life? Lol... just lovely how blue eyed can be an man with so lovely brown eyes. He is really sweet indeed. If I would have more experiance with him than just half hour of MSN typing with cams then I would marry with him. If he would be just with right personality... I feel how my heart is beating stronger than I like it does. No time for getting involved any afairs.. Especially when it is so suspicious... Oh dear, I need a hug! MARGOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*Ring! Ring!*

Me and my "what should I do list"

There was a time when I had another blog and there are some writtings of my happiest times and some from the most painful time. There I let my frog to do his wishlist and I had to do my own after that. But my wishes got over too quick after that and I never made my own wish list but I made my own "what should I do list" just to hold myself alive. Some of my "should" were a bit tied up my wishes too so I can count it as my half-wishes list. I don't know how is he doing with his wishes but I was checking over my lists (I made 2 of them - one before "big badda-boom" and one after that crash.)

WOW! :) I am so real! Or my wishes are so real. I have done so many of what I listed there. I am proud of myself! (Althouhg not very because there will come sin from pride ;)).

"What should I do"-list vol 1

* make a list what I do want
* make a list about what Derek wants - DONE
* start translating stuff - DONE!
* go and techange my driving licence - DONE
* go and renew my passport - DONE (made just ID card because I didn't want to make passport before I had to marry. I need to make a new wishlist where I have to make a passport as well or i wount get over border. Oh dear! I really have to do that! Or there will be no Mosambique! :p)
* Bring my doc-s into a collage - DONE and in

"What I should do" list vol 2

* Find a friend!! - DONE!!
* Articel about a book I read. - DONE!
* Studings! - still DOING!
* Talking with my boss about advising smokers! - I never will I guess...
* Bicycle! - DONE!
* Sport club! With my new friend!! - Umm...
* The column in MA and editing it... DONE! and finished :)
* Finish dutch course! I think... DONE!
* Africa.. I need to weigh it in my mind and I have time about 4 years for that. - Amazing how life is doing. Now when I have no real matter to go there are most of my doings tied with Africa... It shows me how much power have our wishes. They wont come true when you want them because it just takes time but they will come true one day. It's why we have to be really careful with what we are wishing...)

Life is so busy that I fall to sleep on half word :) I can't even remember what did I want to say with my last post. Probably it was about how I did get my first baby girl in birth house. It was really great. The birth giver was lovely woman and the midwife Aili who was assisting me was just wonderful person as well. The baby girl born quickly and with no harm to mom. Totally unblooded labour. Lovely :)

But not the story was the thing I wanted to talk today. Actually I was one day thinking on writting down my biggest lovestory for my posterity could read about me and my thoughts and feelings. Sad that my granny never had possibility to put down her life... Well, at least I just thought about it. I don't know where should I take the time for that. I cant postpone everything into the time when my studings are over. But still odd that I got email from frog as well where he told he found some files with our past... Funny coincidence but nothing so rare. I have thoughts, he has files. Should I ask those files from him? Well.. actually I am not very much intrested about them. Not yet at least. Maybe one day I will. Hopefully it is not very late for that then. Just now I am just thinking to put down my memories about the time.

I don't have anyway all logfiles since latest years in our relationship we were talking. And no logfiles from that. Mostly I remember from the time that he was often upset with me and I was shouted at. Funny in it is that I don't remember any reason why I got shouted at :) I just remember that I was crying and he was explying strongly how some things should be. Did I understand him even then? Ha haa. I often think why didn't I tell to him to repeat what did he tell but probably it was because I didn't want to get all that lecture repeated again.

Nah, it wasn't so bad. He had always point in his lectures. Sometimes they were very selfish but he was able to make me feel alwas guilty as well. Everyone could make me feel guilty on thouse times :) It is sad i don't have those logs. It would be intresting to hear what did he want to say to me then. Yeah, it makes sigh. Oh man, how did I love that guy! The guy who looks very similar to Seth Green. Short, redhead and ... well, Green looks quite sexy actually :P Or maybe I just think now watching back on my feelings that my love was big? It happens often that we start idealize later what we had. But better to idealize than feel the dissapointment what could often happen when you start over. I still hope that it wasn't my biggest love. I hope to fall in love with the most greatest man one day and make him feel most loved. I know that I am ready for that now. With pain and with knowings what means to love. I don't have to study the feeling anymore. I know now what I have to do. And it will be always my silent prayer that I would find someone who would be same much ready to share love as I am, same much ready for the future where will be several adventures in. I know that :) When I watch back on my life then I there is things I would do other way as I did but I never can say my life have been booring. Huh, it could be poorer in some things but... all I have doen have made me person I am now. And I am better person as I was :) Yep, I can say that without proud in me, I am better. Not the best one! Oh, now. I never will get close to be the best one but only that I don't depreciate myself so much as I did. I have learned to love myself and with that to honour people's love for me :)

Anyway... I have thoughts. Will they come true will depend on me :)

My first baby

Today we had an intermediante

Christmas weather 2 weeks before the day

It was nice weekend with walking in snow. But couple nights with lack of sleep and last night without no sleep at all has done its work well. I am deadly tired and feel a bit sad I can't put it down now what happened and how did I feel or thought. Anbd as the history have showed even if I want I never will add later anything.

But that later is now here :) Couple weekends later but still. Meantime we have had a weekend with just Madis too. He is sweet. Fine friend :)

The weekend before the last one was sweet. I saw Margo and Madis at the time. we met at Kadri's place and stayed up during the night. I saw them getting a bit drunk. Nondrinker's vantage is the way to see how your friend get drunk and hard to say but it is fun too ;) But I think still that it is really boring to get drunk. You don't see others then anymore but you are just consendrated on yourself. But I am still lucky. My friends know my christianic views and they have accepted them.

Madis did try last weekend to make me to drink some alcohol with a lie but happily Kadri did told me before that I should not do that. I was watching Madis and asked could he really let me drink it and he was doubtful. I think he could. It was a bit dissapointing because friends don't do that. But we are not perfect anyone. I did talk with him about that and I think that he did understand what I meant. I really hope that something did change in hid life. He is really sweet boy and once he will be probably really nice person. He promised me today that when I will move away from Estonia then we still have Skype. Although we don't use it often after his wife moved home back. Because she just don't believe that we are just friends :) We are Madise's "whales" as she said :)