Waiting for death

I am at work. It is Wednesday. It doen't rain although it is quite wet outside. It smells by spring. The early spring's flowers have all pulled out their noses and peek now around. The smell of the earth and gentle wind what strokes my face make me feel piece in my broken soul. The birds are singing. It is good day for dying...

- You were late!
- No I was not! The clock is 5 minutes in front!
- You have to come at work by the clock!

I lift my hand up, take the clock from the wall and turn it back 5 minutes.

- I did! ;)

She glared at me...

- Anyway... the man from 5th room will die today.
- He will?
- Yep. We were waiting for it since 3 o'clock AM. He doesn't look good.
- I see...

*****************

- Kadi! What will I do if it happens?? I am working with Teesi and she has less experiance than I do!!
- What? Oh dear! It will be first time for you?

I do nod and I try to make my face reflect panic but I know my eyes are smiling at her.

- Yes it will be...
- Well. Then you both will get your "hands white". (saying in estonia when someone is doing something first time)
- So? WHAT WILL I DO!???
- Do not worry... I will get you papers with instructions.

I liked the old man. I had talked with him some long nights before. But today I just could not be sad... Even everyone else walked around with sad faces... I just could not be sad! There is niothing to be sad about in death! He will be then finally out from pain. No physical or emotional pain. No feelings, no thoughts, no tries to get better life...

- I'm dancing lambah-hada, i'm dancing lambah-hada, i'm dancing lambah-hada, i'm dancing lambah-hada...

I do bowl together radio and grind between nurses in procedeure room. Someone is dying... but I am so alive!