Turn your face forward...

It is wierd how much I have time for things what I want to do. I may go out when I want without thinking that I leave someone to wait for me. Or me feeling guilty that I am having fun alone. I feel ... I don't know... slowfree. It is kind of mix from feelings like happiness, freedom, sadness... Happy that I have so many things to discover, to do, to feel, to see, to find, to think, to tell... Freedom as free of some boundries... or duties. But sometimes still a bit sad that noone is waiting for me...

Dreamer asked me lately what happend if Frog would crawl back to me. If... Well, I believe it never happnes. If you don't love someone you just don't love. Then it is better to live alone. So he never comes back because... how hurtful it is to say out I know HE DOESN'T LOVE ME. He even don't care about me... Well, now it is said out. But I still don't know what would I do IF he would come back. I have never thought on that. Probably because I don't want to lie to myself. And since there is no way he will be back anyway then I just don't have to start ever to think on it. Sometimes I have fit of some hartache feeling because of memories and the good time with him and because I long those times. But it is the part of life just. I am sad sometimes because of my father too... But I never get back him as well.

But IF he should show up willing to come back then... I will see did I love him enough or I loved (and love) just myself because to love is just ability to forgive. ;o) Luckily I don't have to test myself in it because he doesn't care about my forgivness as well.

Actually I am amazed about the 2 months rools. I didn't really believe it works. Maybe I didn't want it to work just but I have to admit that it did. I am waiting for the weekend what is coming! I am just little in panic because I am working tomorrow and on Friday we have to leave already but I haven't pack anything yet and I haven't brought tent yet at my sister and I have no clue how to get the stuff on the bus because I have a meeting at school during the time but I NEED to get my stuff on the bus! Oh, dear, oh dear! And I am not very keen to do that even now because I got a "good" idea to find a London's adevent forum to get to know people there and make new friends in MY NEW HOME CHURCH! Because soon I will be there and it would be good idea to have some people there who know you and wait for you. :D Jee, I am waiting for verifying letter from them but it may take time!! But I am not very... I do am patient! I am. I really do am! I do!

Pftt!